race, inequality and social classes in America

During the 1980’s a word disappeared from the American vocabulary. It was not in the speeches of politicians decrying the multiple ills besetting American cities. It was not spoken by government officials responsible for administrating the nation’s social programs. It was not mentioned by journalists reporting on the rising tide of homelessness, drugs, and violence in urban America. It was not discussed by foundation executives and think-tank experts proposing new programs for unemployed parents and unwed mothers. It was not articulated by civil rights leaders speaking out against the persistence of racial inequality; it was nowhere to be found in thousands of pages written by social scientists on the urban underclass. The word was segregation.

my redeemer

Our father's love is so much bigger than we know.
My redeemer lives. This is a short video on how much
LOVE our Lord has for us. I am blown away daily.
This video makes me cry every time.





i also watch an old school video on Challenge Day. This day changed my perception on life in 9th grade of high school.

Two Legends in One night

I got to expierence two amazing things on friday night @ work. Two legends, in one night! Incredible and unable to put into words the true honor it was.
I meet Ken Norton, he was great, we walked along the isle listening to Amazing Grace and he had joy.
Kenneth H. Norton
"THE CHAMP"
In 1973, the 6' 2 ¾", 220 pound Ken Norton made boxing history when he met Muhammad Ali for the heavyweight title, and won, breaking Ali's jaw in the process. In 1986, Norton was in a car crash that left him with a fractured skull, jaw, and broken leg and no recollection of what had happened. Through it all, he remained a positive thinker and would not accept any prognosis but his own. His doctor told him that he would not walk or talk again after the accident, but Norton refused to accept any prediction that did not include what he visualized. Norton said "At first they thought I might die, and if I didn't die, I wouldn't be coherent. Now I'm talkin' and walkin' and I can even chew gum at the same time."

Then i meet, The KING of Blues, one of the most talented artists of America: BB King. What an honor it was to meet him, shake his hand and help escort him to the security elevator. Although it did break my heart to see him in a wheelchair because all i have known of him in 22 years has been his talent and spectrum of jamming on his guitar. This last May, Blues legend B.B. King received an honorary doctor of music degree at Brown University’s and then took the microphone to serenade the graduates. This blue-jazziness of a man may be 76 years old but he plays harder and stronger cords of blues i have ever heard. It could not have been any better than to hear him LIVE, especially when most people had no clue who he was. [i took this pix off of the tour bus] For others he could have been the feeling if they saw the Beatles perform--but that wont be happening any time soon.

my favorite Kathy

If i can make any women in the world my grandmother; Kathy would be her.
Profile Highlight:

Kathy McRice
dob: aug. 23, 1923
most important thing: "love and family to me are so very very important"
Other amazingness: when she doesn't feel good, she pushes herself anyway
Fav. quote: "thank you God, i may not walk straight, but i'm still walking."

Be Blasted

So I attend an amazing church where an amazing musican played and spoke this last weekend. by far greatest talk I have ever heard. it blasted me. Glenn Kaiser, played some of the most bomb blues music most people in my generation has ever heard. this man is talented... in more than one way. preachin is another gift he has been blessed with and it aint no sugar coatin' with that. none needed. he spoke loud and clear to who was listenin' and you better been deaf if you did not hear him or understand. stand up and start changing the way you live b/c this b.s. about not fully diving in into the life that has been given to us is waste. i thought to myself "are you preachin' right now?" Before the sermon even began i knew it was gonna be heavy. i had to sit back, far back into my seat, where my legs don't reach the ground and i feel like i lose blood flow in my feet. Dang. it was bomb- but how blasted i felt was ridiculous. i dont think i have ever been so smashed by truth in one sitting ever.
feel free to check it out for yourself. be careful. Glenn Kaiser blasts H.P.C.

Day as a WC Boss in Life Signs

Imagine this: I am going to walk you thru a day in a life of life signs. Day One. I walk into the club room with 400 kids and take a seat. I sit half-way down in the middle next to one of my leader friends from el paso. They all come in and take a seat. Spot-lights come on. I start getting really sick to my stomach and nervous. The spot-light finally finds me, in the middle of all the kids... sad and alone. My song comes on. Take a minute to read these words or listen to the first minute of the song.
I'm not supposed to be scared of anything, but I don't know where I am

I wish that I could move but I'm exhausted and nobody understands (how I feel)
I'm trying hard to breathe now but there's no air in my lungs
There's no one here to talk to and the pain inside is making me numb
I try to hold this Under control
They can't help me 'Cause no one knows
Now I'm going through changes, changes
God, I feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, save me
Now I'm going through changes, changes

I walk down to the front, over all these high school kids. Song playing... I take a seat in the first empty red seat, dreading that I am a part of Life Signs. The rest of the group gets spotted and walks down with their own song. Spotlight comes back on me, of course the first person in red segregated seats on the stage. My voice-over comes on.

"So I am at this party and nobody even knows me, they don’t even care, what are you thinking? oh course they don’t care, your best friend didn’t even care. I am letting the alcohol get to me, just keep drinking and everything is going to be ok. Maybe then I’ll have real friends and my parent will actually care if something happened to me. I wish I still played basketball. Well, I want a future but life seems so lame, I mean other people think I have it all together but they don’t know ME."

My voice over goes off and the next person's goes on. It continues until all 5 of us have gone thru. Finally judgment time awaits us. The 400 kids I was just sitting with now got a glimpse of a night of mine in high school and they proceed to judge who i am with the things they heard in my voice-over and song. So the following are some of the words I was described as: worthless, unlovable, rejection, alone, depressed, alcoholic, failure, hopeless, angry, mean, doubtful, not good enough, unwanted, no help, given up, suicidal.... the list can go on and on but these were the ones i got to write down later. Then the kids all leave. i go back to scrubbing toilets, urinals and taking out trash, making beds, cleaning sinks and vacuuming very inch of every room. Life goes on, but deep down inside- Life Signs arouses dark deep issues that the five of us have had to deal with or are dealing with. In that mindset I sit for the rest of the day. Welcome to dying to yourself, where no matter how I felt- the day had to go on and it was not about me.

Cast me Not Away

Jesus Raises Lazarus From the Dead.
Jesus calls us to be raised from the dead. Tonight one of our WC kids became a man- well that's how i feel. Just as Jesus called Lazarus from the dead, he calls us to remove the grave clothes. One of our WC kids had some issues lying. He lied to leaders, to kids, to bosses, to other WC kids and mostly he lied to campers during his testimony during cabin time. He was totally caught. His lies consisted of climbing mt. everest, climbing in 58 countries and that he was sponsored by north face. all lies. sad, i agree. I don't believe it was a coincidence that a guy on YL staff who is professional climber was the leader of the cabin. He knew right off the bat, our kid was full of it. He approached him later. His options where minimum. Our WC kid apologized to the campers, told them that he had been lying and told them why. Tonight, we strongly suggested him to share it with the WC if he wanted to stay-which would not be a new process for our team. He did just so. He became a man. It was probably one of the hardest things he has done in his life. To confess his sins and bring the darkness unto the light. I was very proud of him. Just in the same way we asked Seth to share, the Lord asks us the same thing. In John 11, Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead. He asks us continuously to do three things. 1. remove the stone 2. to come out and 3. to take off our grave clothes. TO BECOME ALIVE.
The questions is not if we will sin, but what we do in our sin or with our sin that matters. We will always sin.. but just like the psalm of David- when the prophet Nathan comes to him after he has committed adultery with Bathsheba. He crys out to the Lord "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me." from Psalm 51..David full on says.... do not take your holy spirit away from me. Dang!
My prayer becomes such-God create me a pure heart, and renew the spirit within me, cast me not away from your presence oh God, take not thy Holy Spirit from me.

take me to the cross

Being a WC Boss is hard.
I am tired and drained & it's barely a few days of camp.
.pray.


Lyrics to a great song.

I'm at a loss for words, there's nothing to say
I sit in silence wondering what led me to this place
How did my heart become so lifeless and cold
Where did the passion go?

When all my efforts seem like chasing the wind
I've used up all my strength and there's nothing left to give
I've lost the feeling and I'm numb to the core
I can't fake it anymore.

chorus:
Here I am at the end I'm in need of resurrection
Only You can take this empty shell and raise it from the dead
What I've lost to the world what seems far beyond redemption
You can take the pieces in Your hand and make me whole again, again

my psalms. part I

O Lord, hear me as I pray;
pay attention to my groaning.
2 Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God,
for I pray to no one but you.
3 Listen to my voice in the morning, Lord.
Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly.

1 O Lord, don’t rebuke me in your anger
or discipline me in your rage.
2 Have compassion on me, Lord, for I am weak.
Heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony.
3 I am sick at heart.
How long, O Lord, until you restore me?

6 I am worn out from sobbing.
All night I flood my bed with weeping,
drenching it with my tears.
7 My vision is blurred by grief;
my eyes are worn out because of all my enemies.

1 O Lord, why do you stand so far away?

O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever?
How long will you look the other way?
2 How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
with sorrow in my heart every day?
How long will my enemy have the upper hand?
3 Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!
Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.
4 Don’t let my enemies gloat, saying, “We have defeated him!”
Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall.

5 But I trust in your unfailing love.
I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
6 I will sing to the Lord
because he is good to me.
Why do you hide when I am in trouble?

1 Who may worship in your sanctuary, Lord?
Who may enter your presence on your holy hill?
2 Those who lead blameless lives and do what is right,
speaking the truth from sincere hearts.
3 Those who refuse to gossip
or harm their neighbors
or speak evil of their friends.
4 Those who despise flagrant sinners,
and honor the faithful followers of the Lord,
and keep their promises even when it hurts.
5 Those who lend money without charging interest,
and who cannot be bribed to lie about the innocent.
Such people will stand firm forever.

1 O Lord, hear my plea for justice.
Listen to my cry for help.
Pay attention to my prayer,
for it comes from honest lips.
2 Declare me innocent,
for you see those who do right.
3 You have tested my thoughts and examined my heart in the night.

1 My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?
Why are you so far away when I groan for help?
2 Every day I call to you, my God, but you do not answer.
Every night you hear my voice, but I find no relief.
11 Do not stay so far from me,
for trouble is near,
and no one else can help me.

4 Show me the right path, O Lord;
point out the road for me to follow.
5 Lead me by your truth and teach me,
for you are the God who saves me.
All day long I put my hope in you.
6 Remember, O Lord, your compassion and unfailing love,
which you have shown from long ages past.
7 Do not remember the rebellious sins of my youth.
Remember me in the light of your unfailing love,
for you are merciful, O Lord.
16 Turn to me and have mercy,
for I am alone and in deep distress.
17 My problems go from bad to worse.
Oh, save me from them all!
18 Feel my pain and see my trouble.
Forgive all my sins.
19 See how many enemies I have
and how viciously they hate me!
20 Protect me! Rescue my life from them!
Do not let me be disgraced, for in you I take refuge.
21 May integrity and honesty protect me,
for I put my hope in you.

22 O God, ransom Israel
from all its troubles.
7 Hear me as I pray, O Lord.
Be merciful and answer me!
8 My heart has heard you say, “Come and talk with me.”
And my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming.”
9 Do not turn your back on me.
Do not reject your servant in anger.
You have always been my helper.
Don’t leave me now; don’t abandon me,
O God of my salvation!
10 Even if my father and mother abandon me,
the Lord will hold me close.

11 Teach me how to live, O Lord.
Lead me along the right path,
for my enemies are waiting for me.
12 Do not let me fall into their hands.
For they accuse me of things I’ve never done;
with every breath they threaten me with violence.
13 Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness
while I am here in the land of the living.

Katrina Collage

My View on the V. Tech status

Do i think that he chickened out by killing himself, yes! Do i feel like my view on this is wondered by many, yes. I think more than normal, thinking of the abnormal, my opinion and thoughts have somehow become interesting and wondered. Friends, family and classmates wonder.. how do i feel or what do i think.
I think it's extremely interesting, sickening and horrific. In my soc. classes last year we studied the common reoccuring themes in these mass murder massacres in schools. it's a disgusting thought i might add. Ok, so he doesnt seem to be a military brat nor on a student Visa, but he is an immigrant. Terrorist attack as we might soon call it. This kid had issues and no one else seemed to care, people barely noticed he was ever around and when he was, he was made fun of, ridiculed for his speech and mocked for never speaking. He kept alot inside of himself and let it out on paper, i think a little bit of bipolar disorder came out when he had repeating phrases.
i think i have also been a victim of getting caught in the thoughts and questioning, but I felt like maybe i could put a peace to things in my own mind. I couldn't say i was affected from something like this much more besides an act from 9th grade. The kid with half-a-bomb in his locker. Thinking back, was that really true or was it a rumor, he did have a hate list of more or so of the popular kids. Only the top 20 though, a year delay of the copy-cat act. 8 years it will be tommorow, 4.20, Columbine 1999. I was in 8th grade. Now, year past how has it bothered me?
We had a scare ony campus today, nothing to bad, i am at peace about it because i have faith in my department. investigations were done very quickly. i dont have faith when p. health people try to tell me that our school is not safe. Let me bring something to you.... the 2006 annual crime report. let's compare to our schools and see what you think.
Graduation is 3.5 weeks away. Imagine if i was going to be done. i wonder, what it would be like. No use wondering i keep telling myself, it doesnt change anything right now.

N.O.L.A.

new orleans,louisana
mission: gut houses
flight + quality inn: too much $$
memories & affect:priceless

We arrived to nola on sunday early evening and i ended up having to rent the car, an ugly red-four-door, no power sports car. We had a meeting, split into teams and then got our sites. 3 houses in four days. pretty good. the things that i saw in this week are almost undescribeable. words can hardly explain how crappy i feel... still. it is so hard to understand n grief about this devastation. incredibly hard.
at first, i was hesistant into going, i was nervous into going to the unknown for myself and i was scared. the longest flight i had been on, very nerve wrecking and exhausted. our first day was interesting. we split into teams and i was not sure how i felt about that. sort of good knowing i was not going to be in tension mode all day. that was not fun at all. we arrived to our first scene 2117... it was destroyed. i wasnt sure what was really going on with it, it seemed... different. houses right next to it seemed ok. well by ok, i mean they had a roof and walls. this one didnt. it was small chunks of cement and brick and concrete everywhere. things were hard to spot, all the plumming was all over the place. i found some explosives and found a part that of the house that seemed burned. it's strange, sending ten people to a site with really not knowing what to do. But i think we did well. we worked hard and were done pretty much with half the day left. We did what we could and cleaned it out. found a gun, some needles and explosives, with no roof- we got the name team asteroid. at the end of the day we had connected so much with our team. i looked up and just saw everyone laughing and i thought to myself- this is going to be a good week. new friends. i am always looking for more?? i dunno why but usually i end up with more than i can allow myself to have and spend time with.
ok. ok. so the second house was crazy. the guys on our team were amazing. i dont think i will ever forget busting out in singing songs so loud that it drove paul crazy. ben's childs play. david's sacrasm and humor, erin's hard work, morgans well... driving skills, jacyln's joy, jen's ecouragement, tori's team leadership, and ryan doing his own thing. we pulled apart the second house. it was owned by the church. everytime we even had the close remote chance of getting to meet the owners i feel like i was shafted of that idea.. i wanted to go off and not only do a bunch of physical work but i wanted to talk to people. i wanted to know how they felt, how they were feelings, how they have been affected, hurt, and changed. i wont forget Country Kevin as he sat on the porch by the cars those two days. i dont want to be one of those white people that came to just help for a week. i am bleeding inside. it hasnt stopped. i get up 3-4 days a week from the middle of my sleep to just pray. i cant live the same anymore. i hope that on the outside i am changed too, not just my heart. it was amazing to get to tak to a few people here and there, those i feel like are things i love knowing. going into the bar to use the bathroom was so cool. no not the bar. it was so great to see the joy people still had... the small smile that came out of their faces. the way they welcomed us in and as we tried to pay them for just coming in and using the bathroom like ten times, they wouldnt take it. they told us that we were already helping and that they didnt need our money. i wonder at all how they think that comes off. like.. some white girl is going to come into my town to help, but then they come in to use the bathroom and try to pay us for it and although i am so not that person- i know it came off that way. here... i have this and i dont need it as much as you b/c i am white or not from new orleans.. so take it. that made me sick. i dont think i have felt more white than on this trip. i didnt really think it was funny that i was the mexican on the team... b/c i was the only one w/ color. ya, i know it was a bug joke.. and it makes sense but it was weird to see how b/c i was the darkest on my team... i still felt white. or more so than i usually or ever have. it's not that the black people here are way darker than any of my friends or people in sd, but when you come with a group of white kids to a black neighborhood there is obviously something wrong in the situation. either we are lost, we are helping with new orleans or we must be doing something illegal. makes me so sad.
oour third house was way too real. all the furniture and lives and souls were still iin the house. it had never been touched for the last two years. rotting. molding and growing weary with no one paying any attention to it. the neighborhood looked like it was doing ok. it is so scary for my mind to fathom the destruction that so much water can do. i think i keep imagining like a big tornado... which isnt even true but i dont know what a hurricane, a big one looks like. i dont understand and that scares me. it's so much more real when you see everything someone has every owned in their life... gone. within a day. gone. two years later... still gone. this house was big. a four-bedroom big country down south house. with bricks. the inside was a disaster. every room still had it's anqiue decorations, the first-aid kit on the kitchen counter... looked like people were in real need of help. looked like they were just trying to run out. flashlight on the ground by the door... looking for a way out. looking for the light. this house was hard work. i started coughing alot, hasnt really gone away. But what has really not gone away is how much my heart hurts. i dont know how everyone else feels and i feel alone.
it's crazy that loneliness is my next study with the girls. we found very meaningful things and it was just crazy putting this puzzle together. the lives of people... who they were. i thought to myself. i wonder what if this happened to me.. then what would it be that people would find in my life. what things would they use to define who i am or who i was. i wanted to come back and throw everything i own on the floor. take it away. please... dont let me care about the things that dont matter.
ya.. we went to these fun places to see things and shop and this and that- but it just made me sick. i didnt want to do anything for myself. i was super frustrated and wanted to just throw up. in a few fights. too much tension and i had gotten lost the morning before. apparently directions were not my skill either.
one of my favorite things was our last night, when we met Sandra Anderson. It was amazing. we got to talk to her for a little bit. prayed for her. gave her at least 50 bucks, some food and my sweater. im bummbed she didnt meet w/ us the next day but i just hope and pray everyday that she's doing ok. i feel so crappy. come do some work, enjoy their beauty and leave.. all within 6 days. makes me feel like crap. i dont like it.
coming back has sucked alot. i dont think anyone else is on the same page as me and it seems to much to talk about. i havent even been able to talk about how i feel. i am just off. i dont want things. friends dont get me right now. i am just so shutdown and i hate that i cant really share. or that i wont share. or that no one will ask b/c... my number one issue- i wont tell. everyday i look at my pictures and if there were a word that means more than jacked...then i think i would be there.
daily i get sick. i havent been able to eat too well and i think the fact that i dont have too much money right now makes it so much more real. real hard and allows me to think of other's people's lives and struggles. we found some cool things in the last house. a bible, some plates, crazy newspapers from 1943.. talking about WWII, letter with 15 cent stamps. what we found were lives. broken hearts, homes and lives.
i also miss my team alot.
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i lost it in the 9th ward. it was too much. it was too real. i couldnt hold myself. we saw this tree. pulled over and then split apart. i left. i ran. i felt like i was running towards my father and asking him to just hold his arms out and pull me in. i was running for safety. i found a road to a dead end and went and sat in the middle. i got on my knees and cried for like 15 minutes. i cried and weeped. i couldnt hold it in. i couldnt think. i didnt care and i am sure my friends were looking for me. the grass has grown 2-3 feet high. i was hiding. i didnt want to be w/ people. i couldnt feel. i was numb. i have been numb. i havent felt in a really long time.

Baz Luhrman - Sunscreen

ن شاء الله! In šaʾ Allāh

congrats to the democratic
party for elected nancy pelosi as the speaker of the house.
US congress is now convenes under the democratic party.
that is exciting and the first 100 hours will be america
changing and directing this country to a better america.
this was some very good news to hear. finally the fake party
is out of say for the most part in congress and to me that
means alot. democrats actually care about the american
people what what matter to them. Raise the min. wage!
Go America. one step closer to becoming a better place to live.
go Donkeys go!

her speech was solid. caring, prayerful and in remembrance of Ford.

*first women speaker of the house.... that is history in the making.
In šaʾ Allāh- if it may be in Allah's will. the will of god in arabic.

What do we want?Justice! When do we want it? NOW!

Հայոց Ցեղասպանութիւն, — also known as the Armenian Holocaust, Great Calamity (Մեծ Եղեռն) or the Armenian Massacre — refers to the forced mass evacuation and related deaths of hundreds of thousands to over a million Armenians, during the government of the Young Turks from 1915 to 1917 in the Ottoman Empire.
Today, the Republic of Turkey rejects the notion that the event constituted a genocide and instead claims that the deaths among the Armenians were a result of inter-ethnic strife, disease and famine during the turmoil of World War I. However, most Armenian, Russian, Western, and an increasing number of Turkish scholars believe that it was indeed a genocide, or campaign of state-sponsored ethnic cleansing and mass extermination. For example, some Western sources point to the sheer scale of the death toll as evidence for a systematic, organized plan to eliminate the Armenians. The event is also said to be the second-most studied case of genocide,and often draws comparison with the Holocaust. To date 21 countries have officially recognised it as genocide.