This year was different in many ways. I have made a list of some hard things & also a list of the amazing things that happened this year.
Hard things:
cutting off a friend
car accident
stepping down from YL
moving
loss of a friend.
Great things:
arizona trip
26th birthday
sister's graduation
nielsen wedding
woodleaf
summer solstice party
lynch wedding
roberts wedding
booth baby shower
needtobreathe concert on a boat!
project connect
luehmann & harrison photo shoots
sdsu Christmas Party
friends Christmas
Columbian induced NYE
12.27.2011
12.07.2011
Grace has found me just as I am
Grace existed before you, the reader and I were born- way before we came out of the womb. Best way I can think of it, is that grace is God’s half and faith is ours. Faith is our response to what God has already bestowed upon us with grace. Grace and faith work together. “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. " Ephesians 2:8-9ESV God gets the glory, all of it. Phillip Yancey in What’s So Amazing About Grace writes, “Grace does not depend on what we have done for God but rather what God has done for us. Ask people what they must do to get to heaven and most reply, ‘Be good.’ Jesus' stories contradict that answer. All we must do is cry, ‘Help!’ “ Yancey is so on point with this. There is nothing we can do on our end outside of accepting the gift of grace, being forgiven and turning our path every time towards Christ in obedience. According to Yancey “Repentance, not proper behavior or even holiness, is the doorway to grace. And the opposite of sin is grace, not virtue.”
Grace seemed so indescribable- or so I thought until my Pastor, Ben Brinkman, painted a perfect picture for us kinesthetic type of learners out there. I paint, I create art so when we talk canvas, I comprehend it. Grace is when you mess up, you come to the Lord and repent, he forgives you, but He doesn’t just erase what was painted. We all know that erasers leave smudges or that nasty rubbery smell and strings. No. None of that. The Lord throws away that canvas, brings out a new canvas and begins to paint and create all over again. Grace is that part, I’m sure you missed that. It’s the part where He doesn’t erase it, He throws it away. Did you hear me? He starts over with you. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. " 1 Corinthians 5:17 Grace isn’t second, third, fourth chances. Grace is the first time every time. I firmly agree with Yancey that “one who has been touched by grace will no longer look on those who stray as ‘those evil people’ or ‘those poor people who need our help.’ Nor must we search for signs of ‘loveworthiness.’ Grace teaches us that God loves because of who God is, not because of who we are.’ “ Ye He loves me.Although grace is given out freely with a new canvas, it is not “cheap grace.” Dietrich Bonhoeffer, in his book, The Cost of Discipleship, defines “cheap grace” as “The preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline, communion without confession. Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ.” Yes grace is unmerited, but it does still have a cost. I used to think that people would take advantage of grace and use it as a justification to live recklessly. Many Christians ignore the bible verse that states grace is “training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age." Titus 12WSV
Grace, seems as though it has become a get-out-of-jail-free card. It’s not. We are to live godly lives, walk away from worldly desires, grow closer to and become more like Jesus Christ. Ok, so let’s redefine grace from earlier. Grace means unmerited, unearned, undeserved favor; favor bestowed upon sinners who deserved death. We deserved death when we were chosen by God and given the opportunity to accept grace and make Him our savior of our lives. When we hear the Gospel of grace and as falling sinners for what God does for us, if we don’t understand what God has done for us, then the Gospel is not good news. Grace is not good news if we don’t understand it. Yancey states the following: "God dispenses gifts, not wages. None of us gets paid according to merit, for none of us comes close to satisfying God's requirements for a perfect life. If paid on the basis of fairness, we would all end up in hell... In the bottom line realm of ungrace, some workers deserve more than others; in the realm of grace the word 'deserve' does not even apply.” Grace, it not just a table prayer. Grace is unmerited and undeserving forgiveness only by God thru Christ for us fallen folks. It is the way God give us favor; his motive to forgive our sins and offer salvation. God loves us so much that for the sake of his only one begotten son, Jesus Christ, he encapsulates us in his love that he forgives us and gives us grace over and over again. I’ve heard it said that grace is a way of life and I think I am beginning to understand that meaning.
when I feared that people would take advantage of grace and use it as an excuse " well I'm saved by grace" I tgought that I could shomehow protect God and His Gospel from being abused. When I feared that people would take advantage of grace and use it as an excuse “well, I’m saved by grace” I thought that I could somehow protect God and His Gospel from being abused. I realized this came from the potential in my own heart to abuse it. That’s what is so graceful about grace sometimes- it reminds me of my foolishness without yelling it out on the street corners through a bullhorn. I have come to realize that maybe I did not believe that God can be this good, that he would possibly be gracious enough to forgive me. It’s not that I distrusted God but myself. It’s as if I committed so many sins that I was maybe unforgiveable. This did not make God less willing or able to give me grace. It’s just that I was not receiving it the way He had planned for us. Yes it sounds like a joke, me protecting Him. I used to get really angry and upset when I knew others who profess to be Christians were abusing grace. There is no way this is my job. I cannot protect God for He is the true creator and protector. I have to accept that God’s wisdom is higher than my own, that He does not need me, my help or for me to protect Him from His own ways but rather to continue to ask him to help me as I grow in grace and sanctification.
Grace, seems as though it has become a get-out-of-jail-free card. It’s not. We are to live godly lives, walk away from worldly desires, grow closer to and become more like Jesus Christ. Ok, so let’s redefine grace from earlier. Grace means unmerited, unearned, undeserved favor; favor bestowed upon sinners who deserved death. We deserved death when we were chosen by God and given the opportunity to accept grace and make Him our savior of our lives. When we hear the Gospel of grace and as falling sinners for what God does for us, if we don’t understand what God has done for us, then the Gospel is not good news. Grace is not good news if we don’t understand it. Yancey states the following: "God dispenses gifts, not wages. None of us gets paid according to merit, for none of us comes close to satisfying God's requirements for a perfect life. If paid on the basis of fairness, we would all end up in hell... In the bottom line realm of ungrace, some workers deserve more than others; in the realm of grace the word 'deserve' does not even apply.” Grace, it not just a table prayer. Grace is unmerited and undeserving forgiveness only by God thru Christ for us fallen folks. It is the way God give us favor; his motive to forgive our sins and offer salvation. God loves us so much that for the sake of his only one begotten son, Jesus Christ, he encapsulates us in his love that he forgives us and gives us grace over and over again. I’ve heard it said that grace is a way of life and I think I am beginning to understand that meaning.
when I feared that people would take advantage of grace and use it as an excuse " well I'm saved by grace" I tgought that I could shomehow protect God and His Gospel from being abused. When I feared that people would take advantage of grace and use it as an excuse “well, I’m saved by grace” I thought that I could somehow protect God and His Gospel from being abused. I realized this came from the potential in my own heart to abuse it. That’s what is so graceful about grace sometimes- it reminds me of my foolishness without yelling it out on the street corners through a bullhorn. I have come to realize that maybe I did not believe that God can be this good, that he would possibly be gracious enough to forgive me. It’s not that I distrusted God but myself. It’s as if I committed so many sins that I was maybe unforgiveable. This did not make God less willing or able to give me grace. It’s just that I was not receiving it the way He had planned for us. Yes it sounds like a joke, me protecting Him. I used to get really angry and upset when I knew others who profess to be Christians were abusing grace. There is no way this is my job. I cannot protect God for He is the true creator and protector. I have to accept that God’s wisdom is higher than my own, that He does not need me, my help or for me to protect Him from His own ways but rather to continue to ask him to help me as I grow in grace and sanctification.
6.06.2011
Child Believe
When God wants you to s l o w down and you don't, he makes you. The last few months have been interesting to say the least. Much has occurred in my heart in the last three months- more than I ever imagined. Some positive and well some not so positive. In the process of trying to answer some of the questions from the last blog, I've realized more of myself, my faith and passion for life. To some questions I've come to conclusions and to others I trust they will be answered through this journey.
This verse has appeared on places, things, walls, random websites quite frequently.
"This is the day the LORD has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it."
This is the year the Lord has made... is what keeps repeating over and over again in my mind. In the last three months; I have grieved a really close friendship, made the decision to step down from leadership from younglife after 7.5 years and now been in two car accidents in 3 weeks- one of them injuring me.
This is the year the Lord has made.
Starting today June 6, 2011 I am starting a lifestyle change of taking care of myself. For years, I have made sure others were taken care of, were doing good, well fed, emotional healthy. I have used up a lot of energy helping others; and not that any of that is bad... but it gets tiring and wears people out. I'm worn out. Tired. And spiritually drained. The Lord tells me to come to him, all of us who are weary and heavy laden and He will give me rest. I have chosen that this year will be a time of getting filled, spending a lot of time with the Lord, saying no to a lot of things and enjoying life. With all of this, I am also choosing to have a lifestyle change in my health as well. I desire to be healthy, to not dislike what I see in the mirror; but if I don't do anything to get there... I just can't expect things to magically change. It will take time, hard work but this is what I want.
This is the year the Lord has made.
Rest. Renewal. Realization. Rejuvenation. Reflection. Relaxation. This year I will be taking time away from serving and will not be filling up my calendar. It may seem selfish to others, but I've given more than I have been filled with and can no longer do it. It's great to serve and do things for others and even for the Lord, but sometimes ministry and serving take our focus away from our Savior, our Redeemer, our King of Kings and Lord of Lords.
This the year the Lord has made.
I will walk in it, and once in a while world, I will include you from this blog and the occasional tweets. The Lord has brought my life to slow down a lot in the past few months... especially in the last three weeks. He has called me to take an R&R and I will obey.
This verse has appeared on places, things, walls, random websites quite frequently.
"This is the day the LORD has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it."
This is the year the Lord has made... is what keeps repeating over and over again in my mind. In the last three months; I have grieved a really close friendship, made the decision to step down from leadership from younglife after 7.5 years and now been in two car accidents in 3 weeks- one of them injuring me.
This is the year the Lord has made.
Starting today June 6, 2011 I am starting a lifestyle change of taking care of myself. For years, I have made sure others were taken care of, were doing good, well fed, emotional healthy. I have used up a lot of energy helping others; and not that any of that is bad... but it gets tiring and wears people out. I'm worn out. Tired. And spiritually drained. The Lord tells me to come to him, all of us who are weary and heavy laden and He will give me rest. I have chosen that this year will be a time of getting filled, spending a lot of time with the Lord, saying no to a lot of things and enjoying life. With all of this, I am also choosing to have a lifestyle change in my health as well. I desire to be healthy, to not dislike what I see in the mirror; but if I don't do anything to get there... I just can't expect things to magically change. It will take time, hard work but this is what I want.
This is the year the Lord has made.
Rest. Renewal. Realization. Rejuvenation. Reflection. Relaxation. This year I will be taking time away from serving and will not be filling up my calendar. It may seem selfish to others, but I've given more than I have been filled with and can no longer do it. It's great to serve and do things for others and even for the Lord, but sometimes ministry and serving take our focus away from our Savior, our Redeemer, our King of Kings and Lord of Lords.
This the year the Lord has made.
I will walk in it, and once in a while world, I will include you from this blog and the occasional tweets. The Lord has brought my life to slow down a lot in the past few months... especially in the last three weeks. He has called me to take an R&R and I will obey.
3.30.2011
Questions
My mind has been thinking for what i feel like is faster than the speed of light. Anyone else have this issue sometimes? I have been in an interesting season in my life. I'm 26... and have been for a few months now... and I feel like I have more questions about life than ever before. I decided to start writing them down. If any of you have any answers, want to have a discussion or have been thinking about similar questions.. please feel free to comment away. It is humbling to write some of these.... so please if you have something rude to say just don't say it. Some are general, some are specific and some might just surprise you like they have me.
What is the meaning of life?
What questions to do you ask yourself daily?
Do people really know who you are?
Have you ever lied about something crucial in your life?
Does your room inspire you?
Have you ever been to afraid to pursue your dreams?
Do you have dreams and goals in life?
Can a Christian be in a homosexual relationship?
What is your level of consciousness?
Who are you?
What is your favorite day of the week?
Do you love yourself?
What is your ideal career?
What do you fear most in life?
Have you ever lost someone you loved?
Did someone walk out of your life for no reason?
Do you read a Bible?
What's the worst thing that you think has ever happened to you?
What limiting beliefs are you holding on to?
Do your beliefs limit you from doing something?
What good habits to you wish to cultivate?
What is your inner dialogue like?
What is your ideal home look like?
If you were a car, what kind would you be?
Are you easy?
Do people impress you?
If you died tomorrow what would be your biggest regret?
Is the Bible in agreement with what you believe?
What or who has priority in your life?
Have you ever been so hurt you stopped being hurt?
Do you cry yourself to sleep?
What is your outlet to let off steam?
As a Christian, when you live in sin, how many times before you are thrown away to the fire?
Why do we have favorite colors?
How does your favorite color make you feel?
What were you busy with today?
How can you make your life more meaningful?
Is Jesus more than a curse word to you?
What five people do you spend the most time with?
Are they enabling you or holding you back?
Where does nougat come from?
What is the worst thing you have ever done to someone?
Which move in rock, paper, scissors wins most often?
Do you really like the taste of beer or do you drink socially?
Why do people feel the need to use drugs?
Did you know that elephants cannot jump?
Why do battery letters skip from A to C?
Why are fire engines red?
Was Turkey a bird or a country first?
Does anyone have any blackmail against you?
Do you believe in God?
How come we can't tickle ourselves?
Why is the blood in our bodies red?
Did you know that pineapple prevents Jell-o ( gelatin) from forming into a solid?
Do you want to have children?
Have you ever hit someone?
Is there a time when you purposefully ignored someone to be mean?
How often do you pray?
If you call yourself a Christian do you think you can still go to hell?
Is the baptism of the holy spirit for today?
Is there a second chance for salvation after death?
What scares you?
What is the meaning of life?
What questions to do you ask yourself daily?
Do people really know who you are?
Have you ever lied about something crucial in your life?
Does your room inspire you?
Have you ever been to afraid to pursue your dreams?
Do you have dreams and goals in life?
Can a Christian be in a homosexual relationship?
What is your level of consciousness?
Who are you?
What is your favorite day of the week?
Do you love yourself?
What is your ideal career?
What do you fear most in life?
Have you ever lost someone you loved?
Did someone walk out of your life for no reason?
Do you read a Bible?
What's the worst thing that you think has ever happened to you?
What limiting beliefs are you holding on to?
Do your beliefs limit you from doing something?
What good habits to you wish to cultivate?
What is your inner dialogue like?
What is your ideal home look like?
If you were a car, what kind would you be?
Are you easy?
Do people impress you?
If you died tomorrow what would be your biggest regret?
Is the Bible in agreement with what you believe?
What or who has priority in your life?
Have you ever been so hurt you stopped being hurt?
Do you cry yourself to sleep?
What is your outlet to let off steam?
As a Christian, when you live in sin, how many times before you are thrown away to the fire?
Why do we have favorite colors?
How does your favorite color make you feel?
What were you busy with today?
How can you make your life more meaningful?
Is Jesus more than a curse word to you?
What five people do you spend the most time with?
Are they enabling you or holding you back?
Where does nougat come from?
What is the worst thing you have ever done to someone?
Which move in rock, paper, scissors wins most often?
Do you really like the taste of beer or do you drink socially?
Why do people feel the need to use drugs?
Did you know that elephants cannot jump?
Why do battery letters skip from A to C?
Why are fire engines red?
Was Turkey a bird or a country first?
Does anyone have any blackmail against you?
Do you believe in God?
How come we can't tickle ourselves?
Why is the blood in our bodies red?
Did you know that pineapple prevents Jell-o ( gelatin) from forming into a solid?
Do you want to have children?
Have you ever hit someone?
Is there a time when you purposefully ignored someone to be mean?
How often do you pray?
If you call yourself a Christian do you think you can still go to hell?
Is the baptism of the holy spirit for today?
Is there a second chance for salvation after death?
What scares you?
3.07.2011
a million miles in a thousand years
Are you living a great story with your life? from Donald Miller on Vimeo.
Do it. Grab yourself a copy of this book, head to your nearest coffee shop on a rainy afternoon and read.
It's good for your soul.
2.16.2011
26
I turn 26 in 2 hours. It's a little crazy to think about. I'm thinking it's going to be the best year so far. A lot happened in 25. There was some challenges, some changes and lots of growth.
Its important to reflect on our lives and look forward to what is ahead. Things I'd like to see come forth in this next year not in any particular order:
enter a photo into a photography contest
become a person of good humor and frequent laughter
mend broken relationships
lose 40 lbs
be more active & athletic again
fall in love w/ an amazing man of God
take 5 girls to camp whose life become transformed
run a 5k
learn & speak more Spanish
go to Costa Rica/ visit a friend in another country
surf and enjoy it
visit Portland, Eugene, Bend, & Seattle
memorize the book of Philippians
pray more
be in good physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health
Its important to reflect on our lives and look forward to what is ahead. Things I'd like to see come forth in this next year not in any particular order:
enter a photo into a photography contest
become a person of good humor and frequent laughter
mend broken relationships
lose 40 lbs
be more active & athletic again
fall in love w/ an amazing man of God
take 5 girls to camp whose life become transformed
run a 5k
learn & speak more Spanish
go to Costa Rica/ visit a friend in another country
surf and enjoy it
visit Portland, Eugene, Bend, & Seattle
memorize the book of Philippians
pray more
be in good physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health
1.19.2011
1.16.2011
1.10.2011
I've never left you. Child believe.
o this can’t be enoughwhen i’ve hurt You so much
and now i am asking for You to do more
i want to cry, but i can’t
i try to stand but i fall down again
i need You to carry me
( song from Jenny & Tyler)
1.06.2011
1.05.2011
1.04.2011
12.26.2010
Twenty-Ten Recap
J.Tree 2.10
JJ Heller concert
25th Bday
WC weekend
J.Knapp concert
Bauer Wedding
Canon T2i purchase
Baptism
AZ Trip
Krista's Bday
Buck Wedding
Taking kids to Lost Canyon
Dicken Wedding
the 1670 Move
Leadership Weekend
1st Route 52 Club
Jacob Wedding
OM Chile
Party w/ a Purpose
Garvey Wedding
Christmas & Thanksgiving
New Years & Arizona Trip
JJ Heller concert
25th Bday
WC weekend
J.Knapp concert
Bauer Wedding
Canon T2i purchase
Baptism
AZ Trip
Krista's Bday
Buck Wedding
Taking kids to Lost Canyon
Dicken Wedding
the 1670 Move
Leadership Weekend
1st Route 52 Club
Jacob Wedding
OM Chile
Party w/ a Purpose
Garvey Wedding
Christmas & Thanksgiving
New Years & Arizona Trip
12.08.2010
His L.O.V.E. is all I need.
All I Need
Written by Shawn McDonald
As I sit here and think
About all that You've done
About how You gave me Your one and only Son
And I'm trying to fathom
All that You are, but so far, Lord
You're so beyond me
I fall down in reverence
And I fall down in fear
And I'm asking You, Lord, won't You please draw near
Won't You open my eyes
So that I can see
The way that You are working in me
All I need is Your love
To come and fill this heart of mine
My heart is a desert that has gone dry
And I need Your love to carry me by, by, by, by, by
To carry me by, by, by, by, by
To carry me by
And I lay down my life
And I put it before You
All that I am is in Your hands
And I'm not going to question, why You're so faithful
Why that You give me the blessing that You have
Let the glory be known, let the glory be shown
Lift You up unto the throne
You are my God, You are my King
To You I give, I give You everything
All that I need is Your love, my God
Written by Shawn McDonald
As I sit here and think
About all that You've done
About how You gave me Your one and only Son
And I'm trying to fathom
All that You are, but so far, Lord
You're so beyond me
I fall down in reverence
And I fall down in fear
And I'm asking You, Lord, won't You please draw near
Won't You open my eyes
So that I can see
The way that You are working in me
All I need is Your love
To come and fill this heart of mine
My heart is a desert that has gone dry
And I need Your love to carry me by, by, by, by, by
To carry me by, by, by, by, by
To carry me by
And I lay down my life
And I put it before You
All that I am is in Your hands
And I'm not going to question, why You're so faithful
Why that You give me the blessing that You have
Let the glory be known, let the glory be shown
Lift You up unto the throne
You are my God, You are my King
To You I give, I give You everything
All that I need is Your love, my God
11.07.2010
Marvelous Light- He and not I
Chile has been an incredible expierence that I doubt I will be able to put into words. My team is such an unique group, nothing I expected but so much more than I could have dreamed of. So much realizations have ocurred and I know there will be more by the end of the trip. My eyes have seen things I have never imagined nor can express the overwhelming feeling I have been taken over by. First week I struggled with why the Lord had called me here to this particular place and country. It´s beautiful- no doubt. I have seen some of the most beautiful and most sad things in my life. I can´t fathom the things my mind and my heart are thinking or feeling. I can see myself here long term but it would take some time to get used to.
Yesterday we were in a small village of the Mapuchu people who are the old Indians of Chile and they live in the mountian sides. We went door to door evangelism but by door to door I mean walking a few miles before we get to the next house. It was some of the most incredible views of the city. The first family invited us into their home and we chatted for maybe an hour. This is extremely common here. People are very open. You knock, they open and in a matter of 20 minutes you are connected. The father of the family was taken back and became emotional because he said no one has ever come to visit them they did not know... much less six international missionaries. It was an incredible expierence to be with them. The father of the family was the spokesperson and shared that his father was an evangelical christian but he had walked away and did not practice much faith and did not take his family to church. We invited them to a small church welcome and service and they came. I had chills on my entire body when I saw them at church. Their faces were glowing. I could not capture that on camera although I wished to so much. I have realized one thing for sure that no matter how much I try I can´t capture the images before me on a camera lens as well as the Lord has allowed me to do so with my two eyes.
Yesterday we were in a small village of the Mapuchu people who are the old Indians of Chile and they live in the mountian sides. We went door to door evangelism but by door to door I mean walking a few miles before we get to the next house. It was some of the most incredible views of the city. The first family invited us into their home and we chatted for maybe an hour. This is extremely common here. People are very open. You knock, they open and in a matter of 20 minutes you are connected. The father of the family was taken back and became emotional because he said no one has ever come to visit them they did not know... much less six international missionaries. It was an incredible expierence to be with them. The father of the family was the spokesperson and shared that his father was an evangelical christian but he had walked away and did not practice much faith and did not take his family to church. We invited them to a small church welcome and service and they came. I had chills on my entire body when I saw them at church. Their faces were glowing. I could not capture that on camera although I wished to so much. I have realized one thing for sure that no matter how much I try I can´t capture the images before me on a camera lens as well as the Lord has allowed me to do so with my two eyes.
9.27.2010
Bright like a *
This weekend I was extremely hesitant to go on a leaders weekend retreat, but I walked away the most happy from any of the weekends I have ever been too. Thank you Lord for the way you continuously open my eyes to the things and ways you will prepare me for the future. A band called Gates played worship for us all weekend and the lead singers voice was incredible. He made it easy to fall quickly into the time of worship and praise. One of the songs they sang was Reflection by Urban Rescue. Below are some of the lyrics and how simple but great they are, it's going to be added to my daily prayers to be His reflection.
I wanna burn bright like a star in the night
Fall, fall, and surrender it all
Sing awhile
And believe like a child
I just want to be your reflection.
I wanna burn bright like a star in the night
Fall, fall, and surrender it all
Sing awhile
And believe like a child
I just want to be your reflection.
Because when you shine
I come alive
I'm on fire for you
I'm on fire for you.
I wanna burn bright like a star in the night
Fall, fall, and surrender it all
Sing awhile
And believe like a child
I just want to be your reflection.
I wanna burn bright like a star in the night
Fall, fall, and surrender it all
Sing awhile
And believe like a child
I just want to be your reflection.
Because when you shine
I come alive
I'm on fire for you
I'm on fire for you.
8.23.2010
Chi chi chi
Le Le Le!
I have never lost a legal document before. I mean really.
I've misplaced things don't get my wrong... but to right down lose something important- never!
So since I applied to the trip, I have lost my passport and my SS card. Awesome.
Yes, I know what you are thinking....what a clumsy and non-organized lady. K. Stop judging.
It's official. It's lost. I've looked in every mouse corner of property that I own or rent and nada.
Nowhere to be found. Yes, I know what you're thinking... NBD... apply for a new one.
Well... that's what you think. It's complicated!
To make a long story longer... my mother and I haven't becomes the best of friends the last two years... in fact the polar opposite. I won't get into that much, but being the most intelligent person on the planet- she believes that I sold my passport. Can you imagine what she will think about my SS card? Ha Ha!
Fast-forward. She won't allow me to get the safe deposit key to get my birth certificate to apply for a passport.
So I have had to take the longest shortcut to getting a new passport.
Applied for a new birth certificate. Check. Get notarized. Check. Purchase & shipping. Check. Apply for lost SS card. Get assisted in 5 mins @ SS office downtown (took me longer to walk there) Check. Get offered a Mexican passport 3 times on my way home. Check! Receive birth certificate in 2 days. Check.
Applying for new passport.. pending next week with paycheck.
God has been revealing so much to me about myself in this trip and how much I need to trust Him.
Initially with all this paperwork issues, I would normally just walk away and think I'm not supposed to go.
Next week: Pray. Get expedited passport & send out support letters! :) Excited to share more as hot off the press news and praises come in.
My adventure to Chile has already began. I knew that there would be some unforeseen things that would come up prior to me leaving but I never thought I would lose thing I already had. Lets start from scratch.
I have never lost a legal document before. I mean really.
I've misplaced things don't get my wrong... but to right down lose something important- never!
So since I applied to the trip, I have lost my passport and my SS card. Awesome.
Yes, I know what you are thinking....what a clumsy and non-organized lady. K. Stop judging.
It's official. It's lost. I've looked in every mouse corner of property that I own or rent and nada.
Nowhere to be found. Yes, I know what you're thinking... NBD... apply for a new one.
Well... that's what you think. It's complicated!
To make a long story longer... my mother and I haven't becomes the best of friends the last two years... in fact the polar opposite. I won't get into that much, but being the most intelligent person on the planet- she believes that I sold my passport. Can you imagine what she will think about my SS card? Ha Ha!
Fast-forward. She won't allow me to get the safe deposit key to get my birth certificate to apply for a passport.
So I have had to take the longest shortcut to getting a new passport.
Applied for a new birth certificate. Check. Get notarized. Check. Purchase & shipping. Check. Apply for lost SS card. Get assisted in 5 mins @ SS office downtown (took me longer to walk there) Check. Get offered a Mexican passport 3 times on my way home. Check! Receive birth certificate in 2 days. Check.
Applying for new passport.. pending next week with paycheck.
God has been revealing so much to me about myself in this trip and how much I need to trust Him.
Initially with all this paperwork issues, I would normally just walk away and think I'm not supposed to go.
Next week: Pray. Get expedited passport & send out support letters! :) Excited to share more as hot off the press news and praises come in.
6.24.2010
Broken I Come to YOU
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside
So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark
Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear
Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us
Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
This is the fundamental characteristic of a Christian & a citizen of the kingdom.
Empty.
We cannot be filled until we are first empty. You cannot fill with new wine a vessel which is partly filled already with old wine, until the old wine has been poured out.
Cast me not away from your presence o Lord and take not thy Holy Spirit from me.
Are just glass on the outside
So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark
Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear
Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us
Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
This is the fundamental characteristic of a Christian & a citizen of the kingdom.
Empty.
We cannot be filled until we are first empty. You cannot fill with new wine a vessel which is partly filled already with old wine, until the old wine has been poured out.
Cast me not away from your presence o Lord and take not thy Holy Spirit from me.
4.23.2010
Repentance
I'm fellin' skitzophrenic maybe I ain't saved
cause I gotta get high just to block out all the pain
seen death, seen hurt seen a whole lotta thangs
instead of running from it I'm running away from change
it's like I'm outside in the ice cold weather
the rains coming down and I keep getting wetter
I know I'm getting sick and I could die any second
but still I refuse to let your truths make me better
I'd rather eat flies and maggots instead of bread
and its killing me slow but I cant get it through my head
you were stabbed you were murdered and for me is why you bled
but I spit on your bloody face as If I never cared
And Lord how dare I compare my pain
your father turned his back and you were left to hang
I don't know why you did it that I cant explain
how can you love this sinner whose desecrated your name
Lord I deserve the flames
-lecrae
cause I gotta get high just to block out all the pain
seen death, seen hurt seen a whole lotta thangs
instead of running from it I'm running away from change
it's like I'm outside in the ice cold weather
the rains coming down and I keep getting wetter
I know I'm getting sick and I could die any second
but still I refuse to let your truths make me better
I'd rather eat flies and maggots instead of bread
and its killing me slow but I cant get it through my head
you were stabbed you were murdered and for me is why you bled
but I spit on your bloody face as If I never cared
And Lord how dare I compare my pain
your father turned his back and you were left to hang
I don't know why you did it that I cant explain
how can you love this sinner whose desecrated your name
Lord I deserve the flames
-lecrae
3.29.2010
Don't put a period where a comma belongs.
Imagine being 10 years old, when your body is at it's most awkward moments, your childhood is confusing, tragic and headed for failure as any almost teen in the hood of Los Angeles. As if most of these concerns were not hard enough to manage, you have a mother who always reminds you that you are overweight.
Sadly, this is nothing new to me. The first time someone called me a name was when I was eight years old. It was my own sister, her nickname for me: pig. Gee thanks twin sister, I love my nickname and would love for you to call me by that all the time- no need to ask; it already was happening.
It's never been easy to be a twin sister, much less to a sister who has never been an ounce over 110lbs in her life, who has never struggled with her weight and never had such a dreadful name.
So there I was set, at an early age of eight years old that I would be good at everything that I do because I will never be good at one thing in my life. The only thing my mom seemed to want from me. The one thing I was told would bring me the most peace and happiness. The one thing that would make my mom the most proud.
Unfortunately this is all true. Graduating from high school with honors, getting scholarships, getting my B.A, and having a great full-time job will never be good enough for my mother.
A year ago, I had the worst conversation I have ever had with my mother. By conversation if you understood 10 minutes of the worst name calling, degrading words used to talk to your daughter and tell her how much you dislike who she has become and how you're glad at least one of your daughters turned out well, then we are on the same page. I had never hung-up on my mother. That day I did just that.
I clicked that phone. I felt so guilty. I felt so lame. For the next six months, I never once picked up that phone to call my mother.
Sadly, this is nothing new to me. The first time someone called me a name was when I was eight years old. It was my own sister, her nickname for me: pig. Gee thanks twin sister, I love my nickname and would love for you to call me by that all the time- no need to ask; it already was happening.
It's never been easy to be a twin sister, much less to a sister who has never been an ounce over 110lbs in her life, who has never struggled with her weight and never had such a dreadful name.
So there I was set, at an early age of eight years old that I would be good at everything that I do because I will never be good at one thing in my life. The only thing my mom seemed to want from me. The one thing I was told would bring me the most peace and happiness. The one thing that would make my mom the most proud.
Unfortunately this is all true. Graduating from high school with honors, getting scholarships, getting my B.A, and having a great full-time job will never be good enough for my mother.
A year ago, I had the worst conversation I have ever had with my mother. By conversation if you understood 10 minutes of the worst name calling, degrading words used to talk to your daughter and tell her how much you dislike who she has become and how you're glad at least one of your daughters turned out well, then we are on the same page. I had never hung-up on my mother. That day I did just that.
I clicked that phone. I felt so guilty. I felt so lame. For the next six months, I never once picked up that phone to call my mother.
2.02.2010
this isnt enoough for me
I have been doing a lot of thinking and I
found out that I am not ok with the
way it seems like everybody just blindly living their life
doing what they think they're
supposed to but never really ever l i v i n g
And no no no, this isn't enough for me
I'm so bored of being bored I
want adventure, I want to see the unseen
I'm so sick of entertaining
my own mind
so i
don't have to think and
Im so tired of people telling me what I want, what I need
they dont know me, and
no no no, this isnt enough for me and
oh no no no, this doesnt satisfy me
I dont want the american dream
i got my own
its got
nothing to do with getting money and getting more
And never asking what my life is really for.
found out that I am not ok with the
way it seems like everybody just blindly living their life
doing what they think they're
supposed to but never really ever l i v i n g
And no no no, this isn't enough for me
I'm so bored of being bored I
want adventure, I want to see the unseen
I'm so sick of entertaining
my own mind
so i
don't have to think and
Im so tired of people telling me what I want, what I need
they dont know me, and
no no no, this isnt enough for me and
oh no no no, this doesnt satisfy me
I dont want the american dream
i got my own
its got
nothing to do with getting money and getting more
And never asking what my life is really for.
1.12.2010
pasatiempo favorito
why i love photography is because it allows me to capture moments forever.
when i look back I can see, hear, feel, and smell those exact moments.
it can take me years back and cast me forward.
it allows me to be at terms with God's eye level; to see things the way He does.
the stillness or the moving remind me of different seasons in our lives.
this year i don't want to react to life's events. i want to be proactive.
i want to focus on the miracles of each day; to live simply and obey my Lord.
there is healing in photography and that is what it does for me.
i dont choose a style. i just shoot and go.
i love photography because with some simple clicks, i make memories forever.
they dont remind me of painful days, or regretful ones, they remind of my joy & happiness.
my inner peace.
when i look at people, places or things, i see them thru a lens.
i see imperfect people in perfectly captured pictures.
i believe that anything can be made beautiful thru a lens.
i dont take perfect nor remarkable photos, but i do my best.
when i look back I can see, hear, feel, and smell those exact moments.
it can take me years back and cast me forward.
it allows me to be at terms with God's eye level; to see things the way He does.
the stillness or the moving remind me of different seasons in our lives.
this year i don't want to react to life's events. i want to be proactive.
i want to focus on the miracles of each day; to live simply and obey my Lord.
there is healing in photography and that is what it does for me.
i dont choose a style. i just shoot and go.
i love photography because with some simple clicks, i make memories forever.
they dont remind me of painful days, or regretful ones, they remind of my joy & happiness.
my inner peace.
when i look at people, places or things, i see them thru a lens.
i see imperfect people in perfectly captured pictures.
i believe that anything can be made beautiful thru a lens.
i dont take perfect nor remarkable photos, but i do my best.
12.30.2009
09' Top List
Top 2009 Events
J Tree 09
Girls nite w/ sushi & movie
Cori grad
Greek Festival
SDCYL formal
Serra's Graduation
Senior prayer/ bible day
Gliderport
Alicia's bachelorette
4th of July
Ray's Graduation
Sis and cuz Visit
Alicia's Wedding
Swank's Wedding
Texas Roadtrip
Woodleaf
Love shack getaway
One Republic & Rob Thomas
Halloween 2009
Arizona Trip
NYE party
J Tree 09
Girls nite w/ sushi & movie
Cori grad
Greek Festival
SDCYL formal
Serra's Graduation
Senior prayer/ bible day
Gliderport
Alicia's bachelorette
4th of July
Ray's Graduation
Sis and cuz Visit
Alicia's Wedding
Swank's Wedding
Texas Roadtrip
Woodleaf
Love shack getaway
One Republic & Rob Thomas
Halloween 2009
Arizona Trip
NYE party
12.09.2009
the blessing
Blessings are god-breathe. During this time of the year it's hard to not see blessings showing up left and right. Tonight I got to be apart of something incredible. As I got to watch girls of all different race, color, and social status be a part of something radical.
The blessing is unconditional love. No matter what happens, I want kids to know they are the best, to love them, to hug them but mostly that no matter what- I will not stop loving them. This gives something security in life. No one wants to fail in life, but if we can get a kid to risk failure, it is more likely they will succeed. Only way they will risk failure is if they know they will never loose your love or approval. It's not just our kids that need this blessing, but we also need it too.
Tonight one of the best Area Directors in San Diego put on a party. It was called Party with a Purpose and I got to be joined in this passion, idea and movement. She got a bunch of her friends who don't have an active relationship with God who are makeup artists, hair stylists and boutique owners to donate their products, time and money for tonight. Every girl walked away with bags full of clothes, accessories, money, gift cards, food, hair cuts, facials and manicures.
It reminds me so much of my church and although we are not very big, First Sunday was incredible! It was so tight to see so many people being blessed.
It's something indescribable when you get to see girls who wouldn't be able to afford to get particular things get stuff that they deserve, specifically for them to see the love; the blessing.
In light of this time, it's remarkable to be able to help others and remind ourselves what the real story of Christmas is all about.
The blessing is unconditional love. No matter what happens, I want kids to know they are the best, to love them, to hug them but mostly that no matter what- I will not stop loving them. This gives something security in life. No one wants to fail in life, but if we can get a kid to risk failure, it is more likely they will succeed. Only way they will risk failure is if they know they will never loose your love or approval. It's not just our kids that need this blessing, but we also need it too.
Tonight one of the best Area Directors in San Diego put on a party. It was called Party with a Purpose and I got to be joined in this passion, idea and movement. She got a bunch of her friends who don't have an active relationship with God who are makeup artists, hair stylists and boutique owners to donate their products, time and money for tonight. Every girl walked away with bags full of clothes, accessories, money, gift cards, food, hair cuts, facials and manicures.
It reminds me so much of my church and although we are not very big, First Sunday was incredible! It was so tight to see so many people being blessed.
It's something indescribable when you get to see girls who wouldn't be able to afford to get particular things get stuff that they deserve, specifically for them to see the love; the blessing.
In light of this time, it's remarkable to be able to help others and remind ourselves what the real story of Christmas is all about.
11.05.2009
dedication
Everyday that I work I go thru some daily routines.
Check in, check email, go through pass down, sign into all the computer screens and monitors
then I recite the Nicene Creed
just kidding.
A few co-workers and I decided to recite every time we are at work.
The crazy thing with my job is that I never know what the day will look like or what calls I will take.
Sometimes the first call comes in at 628, other times not till 724, but when it comes it comes.
I never know the circumstance to every situation, some are very crazy, some are mild, some are just ridiculous, but at the end of each day I am thankful that I get to help others and people in need with their situation. the urgency is real.
10-19 prayer
Lord, I ask for courage
Courage to face and conquer my own fears
Courage to take me where other will not go
I ask for strength
Strength of body to protect others.
Strenth of spirit to lead others.
I ask for dedication
Dedication to my job, to do it well.
Dedication to my community, to keep it safe.
Give me Lord, cocern for those who trust me
and compassion for those who need me.
Please Lord, thru all of this be at my side.
Check in, check email, go through pass down, sign into all the computer screens and monitors
then I recite the Nicene Creed
just kidding.
A few co-workers and I decided to recite every time we are at work.
The crazy thing with my job is that I never know what the day will look like or what calls I will take.
Sometimes the first call comes in at 628, other times not till 724, but when it comes it comes.
I never know the circumstance to every situation, some are very crazy, some are mild, some are just ridiculous, but at the end of each day I am thankful that I get to help others and people in need with their situation. the urgency is real.
10-19 prayer
Lord, I ask for courage
Courage to face and conquer my own fears
Courage to take me where other will not go
I ask for strength
Strength of body to protect others.
Strenth of spirit to lead others.
I ask for dedication
Dedication to my job, to do it well.
Dedication to my community, to keep it safe.
Give me Lord, cocern for those who trust me
and compassion for those who need me.
Please Lord, thru all of this be at my side.
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