My Painted Desert: 2006

12.24.2006

Հայաստան [armenia]

Population 2,976,372 (July 2006 est.)

HIV/AIDS - people living with HIV/AIDS 2,600 (2003 est.) HIV/AIDS - deathsless than 200 (2003 est.) Nationality noun: Armenian(s) Religions Armenian Apostolic 94.7%, other Christian 4%, Yezidi (monotheist with elements of nature worship) 1.3%

My destination: Yerevan

Flight price: $1500 average 1-way cost

Travel time: 23 hours

Work: younglife + orhpans

Extent of time: 1 yr-2yrs

Expierence: priceless

12.19.2006

every now then and again

every now then and again... i just get this weird feeling... and i am not sure how to really discribe it. in defintion of terms... lonliness. i know i am loved, but i dont feel (i cant think of which word to fit here)... maybe safe. i got friends; tons of them but honestly i still feel alone around them-even sitting right next to them. we watched now and then. it was my 1st time and i liked it. there was just some moments in the film when all i wanted to do was cry. no one would understand why because i cant just go explain it-and now i am in a funk. something about arizona makes me want to change so much and just leave and go. i think i was maybe a bit let down by people seeing lc. i dunno.. it just felt unusual. i wonder how much my friends will think of me and miss me when i leave. i know they can tell me they will but it seems so hard for me to believe even if it is true. i guess ill just have to wait and let time tell.

12.05.2006

Sweet Home Arizona

I dont know to go or not. my mind is just so mixed up and its making me crazy. i miss this place that i have called home so many times in the last 2 years. home. it's so beauitful. so peaceful. for some reason or another i miss this place right so much more than i do my parent's house. i'm not one that usually likes to be alone but there i can alone for days, just taking in the beautify from the rays and rays. there is something in this place that i love to call home, that i, yes me, i can be alone without a phone.
i see the beauty that it brings and the peace that comes within. i want to live there and enjoy it. i usually dont like coffee but this one place on main st. is so nice and classy that it made me, yes me, a non coffee drinker order twice in a summer.

i wish i lived there but it's so much more meaningful when i go to just visit for a few days. i just want everyone in the world to see how i see old smokeys or bill williams. the sunset and the the mountians the lakes and the mud. the trees, oh the trees they just made me so happy and i dont think i can ever wipe a smile off my face when i am up there. it's so relaxing i cant explain into words. i miss the lake right before the turn. it brings me sorrow to know that i am away not enjoying everyday of it. i miss the people and the smiles and laughs. i miss main st,but most of all i miss the sun hitting the dirt and the ski being so clear, i had no fear.
see the thing is... that this peace that is in the air entered my body and everyonce in a while it stops by to remind me that life's going way to fast, you need to relax... but i keep going. i have am in love and i the words can barely reach my mouth because my body is moving so fast and my heart can never stop beating but for a second, i imagine the world to stop and i can forever keep that picture in my brain. i think it's entering my veins and it just rushes up like the nervous feeling around a guy but it's much more deeper than that. i want to not just live there or work there, i want to be there. i just want to be. sometimes i wish if i werent a human i would a tall tree but then i fear the lightening come monsoon season. i'd be a mountain

but they get shorter, i'd be a bird but soon i would get eaten. i would be a pole but it just seems to dry. i wouldnt mind being the dirt but i just get to much stepped on. i would be a rock but maybe be to hard. a road, but still get riden all over, a map but most people would not know how to read me. i am not sure what i would be but deep inside i dont want to be me. only sometimes though. other than that- i just want to be me so that i can see everything that i know and hear. listen to learn and explore the world. i am in love.